PART 1
This is my true story of events that have shaped and strengthened my life and faith. The reason for this blog is to reach other women who have been abused, confused, and mislead by family, boyfriends, and even people who intend to mislead you in the area of God’s Forgiveness. I have studied this area of forgiveness in the bible and you will see scripture notes at the end of each post along the way to back up every thought and to help you meditate on how much Jesus really “Loves & Forgives You.” My goal is to help you see the truth in God’s Word so that you too will be healed and set free.
My name is Phyllis and you will read about the many mistakes made early on that led to all the events that unfolded in making me into a “Forgiven Daughter of Jesus”. I pray that you too will be able to find the peace and love that I now have with our Lord Jesus and post your story on “Forgiven Daughters of Jesus”. I was 18 years old when I moved out from my parent’s house because my dad was an alcoholic and abusive man. I thought I had a good handle on life. Little did I know that life had a handle on me! I was living with my boyfriend for four years, mistake number one. (See Note # 1) I became pregnant at 21 years old and I was afraid of what people would think of me and what my family would think of me pregnant and not being married. I can only imagine what Mary felt like when she was pregnant with Jesus. I was afraid that my boyfriend would leave me because of being pregnant. I was thinking selfishly of the weight I would gain and my body changes that would occur naturally. I have always been a slender and petite body type. I really didn’t think I could afford to have the baby and the possibility of raising him or her on my own.
My boyfriend was a very jealous and controlling man. I was emotionally and physically abused by him. Part of the abuse was his ability to convince me that I could not make it on my own. I felt sad, confused, hurt, helpless and alone. (See Note # 2) I gathered the courage to tell him that I was pregnant and his reaction was not positive. He said that “We can’t keep it … I already have a child”. The conversation then turned to abortion. He went out and found a clinic to take me to have the procedure performed. I agreed to go and have it done and he said he would pay for it. I arrived at the clinic and he didn’t even have the guts to stay with me. He just drove up and dropped me off and said he would pick me up in a couple of hours. I went into the clinic alone, scared, and signed myself in for the procedure. Apart of me wanted to walk out and never come back, but I was already there and I felt there was no turning back.
The nurse came to walk me back to a counseling room where a lady counselor asked me if I was sure I wanted to continue. She said that I didn’t have to go forward with the procedure if I didn’t want to have it done. I realize now that God was using her to tell me not to have it done. I paused and thought for a moment and the words that came to my mind was “You came this far too late to turn back now.” (See Note # 3) I didn’t realize then who was telling me to keep going and to get it done and over with, was the enemy, the devil. It was him all along and I gave in to him.
I told the counselor that I was going through with it. The nurse took me into the room were the doctor was and I proceeded to lie down on the table where I was given a local anesthetic. I could still here the doctor and nurse voices. As I was beginning to wake up I saw the doctor put something into a metal trash can. (My baby) I thought it was over, but it was just the beginning. Later that day, my boyfriend picked me up and took me to a restaurant for dinner. He never asked how I was doing. I was hurting physically and emotionally from the abortion.
I kept this secret to myself for many years. I tried not think about it so the pain of it would go away and I buried it deep inside myself. I made myself think that the baby that was in me wasn’t really a baby at all because I was only seven weeks along. (See Note # 4) Oh how wrong I was to believe that lie. I love children and always have, doesn’t seem that way does it. Page 1
I became a Christian when I was 14 years old, but I wanted the desires of this world more than I wanted the loving relationship with God. I tried to hold on to both, but you can only serve one God. (See Note # 5) God wants you to have an intimate relationship with Him.
A few years later… I had an accident that landed me in the hospital. It was then that my eyes were opened to the so called “boyfriend”. I called my boyfriend first. He showed up at the emergency room and all he could say was “I can’t believe you got in this accident” He never asked me again how I was feeling. It was at this point I realized that this man never really cared for me. I told him that “If you can’t say anything nice to me or ask me how I was feeling…then you need to leave.” He told me then to get my own ride home. What a real jerk. I then asked the police officer in my room if he would give me a ride home. He said he would be glad to help. While walking to the police car, then my boyfriend becomes man enough to say he would take me home.
Note 1: Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (NIV)
Note2: Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will up hold you with my righteous right hand.” (NIV)
Note 3: John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (NIV)
Note 4: Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
Note 5: Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” (NIV)
See the rest of the story……………
Part II Coming Soon……
PART 2
The Story Continues:
He took me home and left me by myself so he could go to a basketball game, which was obviously more important than I was to him. Shortly after I arrived at home I called my mom and she was mad at me because I didn’t tell her first that I was involved in a serious accident. My mother never showed up that night at my home. I then turned to my oldest brother and his wife. They both came over and stayed with me for a few hours to make sure I was “Ok”. I was hurting physically and emotionally. A few weeks after …. I realized after a big argument with my boyfriend that he really was not the right man for me and we ended the relationship. It took four years and an accident to wake me up.
Two months later God blesses me with a gentleman who has treated me and still to this day treats me like a princess. This romance story is another blog pending!!! lol…
The recent breakup of my past relationship made it hard for me to trust him, but he was patient with me, kind, and understanding. I knew what I wanted in my life, that was for God to send me a good godly man who didn’t drink, or smoke. Who would treat me like a lady should be treated. This man would love me unconditionally. I still buried the thoughts of my abortion deep inside me for a while. During our dating, we became closer to each other and fell in love. I began to tell him what had happened and what I did and how my ex-boyfriend treated me. This was good for me to tell someone my dirty little secret. He was very understanding and loved me even still.
We continued dating for a year and a half. He then proposed to me and I said “YES”. God is so good. (See Note 6) After a pre-marital counseling session on the subject of children. I then started to think if I could have any children because of what I had done, and female problems that I experienced at a young age. We celebrated getting married and moving forward with our lives. Soon after (1 year and 3 months) we were blessed to find out that we were expecting our first child. Thank you Jesus…
I went for my first prenatal visit to the doctor’s office. I was asked by the nurse…. How many pregnancies have I had? The shame and guilt of what I had done started to creeping back into my mind. I knew I was forgiven, but I simply could not get passed the guilt and the shame. I didn’t feel good about myself. I felt as if I didn’t deserve any good blessings in my life. Over the years I still struggled with this secrete, and didn’t tell it to anyone else but to my husband and later on to my mom. (See Note 7) I then called on God and asked for his comfort, peace and healing. (See Note 8).
God blessed us with our bundle of joy, a baby boy!! Two years later another blessing from God!! Another baby boy!! God does give you the desires of your heart. (See Note 9) God is so faithful!! He wants our hearts and lives. He longs to bless us and have a relationship with us. (See Note 10) I continued to become closer to God. I then realized that God had already purified me of the wrongs I had done in my life. (See Note 11) I also learned that I had to forgive my ex-boyfriend to move on and be set free. This was a step in the right direction. I forgave him and had no more hate towards him. Now that was really God working in my life. (See Note 12)
The enemy (the devil) will try to deceive you into thinking you are not forgiven of your past, but he is the father of lies and deception. He does not want you to know that you can be healed, but God, does, He will heal you if you allow Him. If you confess your sins to Him, He will forgive and heal you. God is a loving father and he loves you more than you can ever imagine after all He created you.
I kept getting taunted by my past in small little ways like a movie, medical checkups, politics, that would all lead into me being reminded of my past. The enemy would put a thought in my mind calling me a murderer!! (See Note 13) The devil takes life but, Jesus gives life everlasting. The life God gives is abundantly richer and fuller. It is eternal life, yet it begins immediately. Life in Jesus Christ is lived on a higher plain because of His overflowing forgiveness, love, and guidance.
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It took over 30 years for me to learn… “You have to forgive yourself” because God has already forgiven and forgotten it. I pray that you can learn from my mistake and not put yourself through this torture. There is help available for you and you are not alone. If you are thinking of abortion, I personally urge you not too!!! Your baby is a life at conception and all children are a gift from God. You can take what you believe to be a “mistake” and make it into a blessing for others who cannot have children and bring joy to a family.
God will use your experiences no matter how bad they seem to be, for the good of others and for you. If you did not go through these trials, you would not be able to help others through their trials. (See Note 14) These encounters build character, compassion, kindness, love, strength and understanding. It is better to learn from someone else’s experiences so that you can avoid going through the same trials. We all have a purpose in life that is to reach out to others with God’s love and to teach others of the Good News of the Gospel.
My final thoughts and prayers for you my beautiful friend, is that you are God’s precious daughter and He loves and cares for you. God wants to have an intimate relationship with you. When you confess of your sins, God does not remember it anymore. So why should you? Your forgiveness starts today by simply asking… God come into my heart and forgive me of my sins and I accept you as my Lord and Savior.
My prayer for you, Forgiven Daughter of Jesus is that you draw close to God. Reading my story about my abortion and how it has affected my life then and now. You will realize whether you have already had it performed or thinking about it that every life is precious to God. Know that if you already have had it done that it is a sin against God. Even though it took me a long time to learn I was forgiven. Please learn from my mistakes.
I urge you to get into a good bible based church and surround yourself with Christian people who will lift you up and not be judgmental because now you are a Forgiven Daughter of Jesus.
Please post your prayer requests so I and other “Forgiven Daughters of Jesus” can pray for you. You will then see how many people really care for you!!
Note 6: Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.”
Note 7: James 1:17 “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
Note 8: Psalm 119:76 “May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.”
Note 9: Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Note 10: John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life.”
Note 11: John 1:9 “But if we confess our sins to God, He will keep His promise and do what is right, He will forgive us our sins and purify us from all our wrong doing.”
Note 12: Matthew 6:12 “Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us”.
Note 13: John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”
Note 14: Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Note 15: 1st Corinthians 6:19-20 “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
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Forgiven Daughters of Jesus 